I have been thinking about writing this blog post for a
while, but for some reason I keep putting it off. Now after another week
feeling under the weather, and with Valentine’s Day around the corner, I have
decided now is better time than any.
A beautiful friend of mine came and surprised me in Paris
earlier this year. It was such a special treat. She tricked me into thinking I
was going to meet up with one of her German friends travelling here in Paris
and I was more than pleasantly surprised when I saw it was her waiting for me
at the metro station. She was there with her new German boyfriend (hence the
reason I fell so easily to the surprise as she had texted me from his mobile
number.) It was the best timing ever. It was so good to catch up with a friend
that knows me from home and I was delighted to meet her new boyfriend.
It was the first time that I had seen her with a boyfriend
that made her so happy. It in turn made me happy. Now this girl is gorgeous.
She is one of those girls that you see walking down the street and you look at
with wonder and more often than not a little jealousy. She is beautiful and she
has never had a problem attracting a member of the opposite sex. She has
however had a problem attracting the right guy. Earlier this year, before she
had met her current boyfriend, she was pulled aside by one of her family
members and told that she was living her life on the edge. When she told me
this, my first reaction was ‘awesome! Sounds like fun’ however he didn’t mean
it in a spontaneity for life kind of way, he meant it in a ‘tick tock’ way. He
told her that if she didn’t hurry up and find someone soon she would be left on
the shelf, hence the phrase ‘living life on the edge.’
At the time she was 32.
I was both shocked and appalled by this and it has stuck
with me ever since. How could someone say this about her? And more importantly
if it meant this for her, what about the rest of us who aren’t blessed with her
stunning good looks?! I recounted the story to a much younger male friend in
horror and his reaction was not what I was expecting. He basically agreed with
her relative and said that he was already worried now that he was single and would be
devastated if he was single at 30. *Insert
punch in the guts feeling right there*
He is 22.
So here I am at 30, single, having had no real serious
relationship lasting longer than a few months. Whilst I am very happy in my
life right now, I can’t help but feel a little concerned about this attitude
towards single women in their 30s. The most serious relationship I ever had and
possibly the only time I have ever been in love, was with my first boyfriend
when I was 18. It was with this relationship I believe that I had the biggest
sliding doors moment of my life.
For those of you that haven’t seen this Gwyneth Paltrow
movie, the phrase ‘sliding doors’ is a
moment in your life where a single circumstance can alter the path of your life
dramatically. In Gwyneth’s case it was a small circumstance (missing her train)
and they play out both scenarios in the movie as to how this has/could have a
dramatic effect on her life.
I love the innocence of first loves, and this one was particularly
like that. We got a thrill out of holding each other’s hands and gazing into each
other’s eyes, yep the stuff vomit is made of. So imagine my dismay that I met
this ‘boy of my dreams’ just months before I was heading overseas to work in
the US. I dreamt my whole life to travel overseas and the second I graduated
high school I put my university studies on hold for a year and planned my trip.
Meeting a boy was not part of this plan, but I didn’t worry much about it, I
was happy and it didn’t really hit me until the departure gate just before my
adventure was to begin. I had loads of amazing friends and there were about 25
of them there to see me off on my big trip.
The second they called my flight I
proceeded to have a meltdown. How could this be?! I just met the most amazing
guy and now I was leaving him for close to a year to move to the other side of
the world. Was this really what I wanted?! From that moment and for the next
few days everything was a blur. My mum essentially had to drag me onto that
flight. I was a mess, sobbing like a 2 year old who has lost their teddy.
Devastated, wondering if I had made the biggest mistake of my life. After 2
days in Melbourne with my mum we were back at the airport again, this time for
the big international flight. With eyes still red, we said our goodbyes and I
walked through the big international departure gates. The second the doors
closed behind me, I felt an incredible sense of calm. I knew right then I had
made the right decision, making that exact experience my ‘sliding doors’
moment.
I truly believe if I had cancelled everything and stayed in
Adelaide, I probably would have married that boy and I definitely would not
have had the life I have had now. That one decision has led to the most
incredible life anyone could ever ask for. I got to experience the US as a
teenager, backpack around Europe, ride elephants in Thailand, trek mountains in
Nepal, practice yoga in India, ride camels in Morocco, the list goes on and I
wouldn’t change it for the world. However as a result I have spent most of my
life as a single woman.
I have this saying about my life ‘Lucky in life, unlucky in
love’ – it may sound depressing, but it’s not meant to be. It’s just how things
have panned out for me. My sporadic love life has led to hours of entertainment
for my friends and family. Including a comment from one family member that particularly
stung when I told my 4yr old niece she would be my flower girl if I was ever to
get married, to which the comment was ‘Yes, even if you are 24.’ Comments like
these said in jest do stick and it cements the feeling that perhaps I am not
the only one that believes in my personal statement! But as a good friend once
said in response to this declaration, ‘That may be true, but remember, you only
have to be lucky once.’ I make sure I remember that one as well.
So here I am at 30, still single and living in Paris. A city
of romance and
l’amour. I see loved
up couples every day, sometimes it makes me want to vomit, sometimes it makes
me smile. Since being here I have been very open to meeting people, both men
and women. I have never met so many people off the internet in my life, but I
have made some great friendships out of this and I do have the internet to
thank. If you are a regular reader of my blog you will know I have dappled with
French internet dating. It was been a real adventure and I have been on several
dates. Most have been pleasant (with the exception of one, which is another story
for another day) but nothing has eventuated out of them. I have always gone in
with an open mind, even keen just to make a friend and more often than not I
get the famous line ‘
let’s meet up again’
– then they disappear off the face off the earth. I have been rejected so many
times that I don’t even feel anymore. It’s been a humbling and ‘
get to know you’ experience.
Often when I tell people about this (people being my friends
who are coupled up) they always tell me ‘Don’t worry, you’ll meet someone, you
just have to stop looking’ I swear the next time I hear that… Really?! People
say you don’t meet someone until you are happy with yourself. I could not be
happier. Look at my life?! I have the freedom to do whatever the hell I want
and it’s fan-freaking-tastic. I am
more than content with my lifestyle. I love me time, jeez if I didn’t I would
have been in trouble a long time ago. It’s just sometimes, sometimes after a hard day at work, or on a cold winters day it
would be really nice to have someone to come home to. A certain someone to talk
to or just be with. Sometimes. I am
human afterall.
Now just because I have these thoughts time to time doesn’t mean
I need sympathy. If there is one thing that you can do that will piss of a
30-something-year-old single women, it is to feel sorry for them. I just haven’t
met that right someone yet, but it doesn’t mean I am depressed. I mean I am
writing this from Paris. It’s pretty awesome the things you can do when you are
single.
It’s just sometimes you get between a rock and a hard place.
Yes, sometimes I wish I wasn’t single and yes sometimes I do worry about still being
single in my 30s. How could I not?! When society is reminding me every day that
the clock is ticking and my beautiful friends are being told they are living
life on the edge?! The best thing you can do if you are my friend, is just be
my friend. Don’t give me advice about my love life unless I ask for it. I think
about it enough without worrying about other peoples’ opinions or advice and
even if I don’t meet someone and I spend the rest of my life single, it doesn’t
mean I have been left on the shelf.
